I hope that when I look back on all this
in ten, fifteen, and plenty
I will be able to say that
[ blank ]
saved my life.

I hope that
I will not say
[ blank ] 
ruined my life.

that doesn’t mean
of course
that there weren’t shitty times
because sometimes it’s all just too much
you know?

of course you know.
I’d be delusional
if I thought I was the first –

for what?
for anything that would apply when one is so entwined in
[ blank ]

while I don’t know
if I’ll actually have a say
in whether it happens

I can hope all I want
that I’ll be the last
or the only one who matters anyway

[ blank ]
though you may not last forever
forever you will have lastingly
changed me