Tag Archive: bdsm


[ This is perfect. Find me, My Knight. ~RynPhx ]

A dominant man’s preferences for his perfect Strong, Powerful and Intimidating Woman.

She’s a human being and therefore imperfect, but not to him. To him, she’s perfect!

She is:

  • The Most Beautiful with no rival.
  • The Most Revered for her beautiful personality.
  • The Most Loved by him, because of her loving ways.
  • The Most Worthy and Deserving of everything he has.
  • The Most Interesting and Fun.
  • The Smartest and Most Desired.
  • She’s the Most Considerate and Caring.

She isn’t new to the world and she’s found herself in more than one place wondering how the hell she got there, like everyone. The advantages she’s had in life already, have had limited advantages.

She is a dominant Lady, who has accomplished great things all on her own. Life has not been as kind to her as so many others presume. She does what she must, but she is her own person and is self-made. Her true self is known to very few people. The rest see her public persona.

She is extremely tough and resilient, but she is also much more feminine than some realize, including those closest to her. She doesn’t presume everyone understands her perfectly, but she rightfully expects certain people in her life to basically understand her, without her having to mention everything.

She remembers every preference and detail of those closest to her. She has every right to expect they do the same, especially with easy things.

The amount of consideration she shows is incomparable to anything he has ever experienced. It is impossible to overlook this. While part of why she is this way is to receive it herself, she should.

He is a very dominant man. Unlike others he does not follow certain traditional and invisible protocols. He believes there is much more to being a secure person than that. In his mind, scripting oneself is contradictory to truly being dominant.
He notices everything about her. A couple seconds in sight and he can see if her mood has changed by any indication of her posture, expressions or tone. He observes her in a natural way and not overbearing. She leaves the slightest hint and he gets it the first time, or he at least knows to ask more. She is so very important to him and his happiness hinges on hers. How can he be if she is not…

He is human, made mistakes and he is a man and knows there are many beautiful women in the world, but there is none like her. Those others are for other men to concern themselves with and all will be made keenly aware of this. He knows how lucky he is to be with her, he wants everyone to know. There is no awkwardness to show this to anyone. He will make sure she is the envy of all women. There is nothing any woman can do to take away any amount of his attention from his Princess. He will be cordial, but if he must, he will state that straight out so there is absolutely no confusion.

She will get everything from him he can provide her with – all of himself and all of his efforts. He knows she deserves it and will provide him with all she has. He has lots to give and wants to give his all. He never quits or becomes fatigued.

Life is imperfect and everyone makes mistakes. People argue, tussle and fuss. These are not deal breakers; these are part of normal life. They have those issues and overcome them every time in very positive ways. Each is very independent, but will depend on each other many times in life. Sometimes that comes with companionship and understanding alone, and no action. Other times it takes a lot of effort to help, but nothing is too much.

She is incredibly intelligent. She “gets” things before he ever does. She is very shrewd and can be very playful. She will use this extraordinary ability to tease, taunt and satisfy. It won’t always be that way for him at first, but eventually he’ll get it. When she has pleasure; so does he. Their connection provides for intense compersion. Despite allusions to the contrary, she does certain things to provoke him, for them both together. She reads him better than he can himself.

She’s a woman and she knows and feels certain things a certain way, he has lots more trouble with. Her sexuality profoundly affects him………..she’s a woman and she is the woman with the most sexual power over him. She need not raise her voice to affect him; she can just whisper or leave a hint of something. He may not know exactly what it is, but he knows it means something. His confusion worsens and the more it does; the more pleasure she has.

Everyone is vulnerable. It takes a lot of trust with another to make themselves so vulnerable to them. The strongest man says one thing, but he feels it, whether he attempts to deny it outright or just inside to himself as he picks up a bottle. His Princess has that power over him and can dominate with that. It matters not how dominant he is. It takes a lot of strength to admit and permit that. She’s the only one that can affect him this way. She’s the only woman he loves.

He will love to love her. He has needs to show it. He will, by remembering all of her preferences. He will be proud to exclaim those things to others, without fear of being perceived as less masculine. Only the insecure man feels such weakness as that.

When she’s away, he will watch the clock tick and when she comes back……

…She will be pampered like a Princess from the highest kingdom. He will take her to town and buy her every toy and goody she wants. He will court her years into their relationship, as if it was just beginning. He wants her to be treated better than any other. He wants to be the man with that opportunity and he will keep his promises.

She is human and imperfect and has lived a portion of her life already. She, like all people, will have frustrations and other emotional aspects of life she deals with. She may have a need for outlet, but she has no place for it, except with him, the one who understands her best. She may, in her sneaky smart ways, design situations to achieve that for herself and for him too. It won’t be obvious to him at first and she will enjoy every sadistic second of that, but not because she hates him, just the opposite.

She is the woman and sexually, they focus on her.

She may push that bar a little too far sometimes. She might try and take too much and revel in her wickedness, and in his face, however so softly and subtle she speaks. He will be beside himself. He will become very angry and will think things he never thought he would. He just won’t get it right away, amidst this “attack”.

He sees her smile and her aloofness and can’t make sense of it right away. Does she do this on purpose………eventually he thinks… Yes, of course she does, but that understanding makes it no easier at the moment. She pushes more and more. Why would she? He can’t understand yet. She knows full well why. She has him half mad. She also knows he would never react like this with anyone else and if another women pulled this; he would have left without a note. Now he can’t pull himself away.

His state of mind bears every emotion possible, plus intense arousal. He watches her writhe and moan in ecstasy. Her pleasure is his, but not this way is it?

She says things he can’t believe. He wonders if everything was an act until now. He feels embarrassed he ever told her anything so private about himself, but then he feels that is wrong. Back and forth he goes. He is so dominant. A little pretty lady has him tied in knots without laying a finger on him.

But why is she provoking him……..why not just do whatever it is she wants to do……..he fights within to maintain that thought to answer his own question.

When her time riding the top is done……..he has it figured……….she did all of it on purpose and he knows why, but he still can’t bring himself not to act………..he must have her and he will, just as he wants……………he’s dominating?

She knew the outcome 8 days ago, when she started acting “funny” and was always extra aroused.

She’s the woman…….the only woman that can provoke him this way. This is not an easy accomplishment. No one has ever had this affect on him. She is the only one he focuses on and she created a situation, where it seemed divisive, but was more connected than any other two people ever are.

The only lady that can do that is The Princess.
© A.A.C.T.E.

 

Xena the Damsel’s Ideal Knight

My ideal relationship is with a hung Alpha Male Dom to whom I submit and with whom I switch. He enjoys, in turn, watching me be with other men and playing with other everyones with me. We will sex other people with each other and not, but we will love each other the most even as of course we come to care about other people. Somehow he will communicate to me that he so profoundly cares about me in a way that relieves me from being the Jealous I already anticipate in my heart will be the potential downfall of my seeking an open relationship. Of course he will want to marry me and be vanilla with me and we will be friends with our play partners long after (it seems as if) we’ve stopped playing (or have we?). Careers, communities, kids. Sex everywhere in between and more. Fuck couples counseling – I know how to communicate because I’m a kinkster. And so is my boo.

I Do Declare Devotion Has Happened Upon Me

I have a sub. 
Remember that time that I wasn’t going to be tied to anyone? … In spirit?

Well … in a way, I’m not. This is not a vanilla relationship. There is no obligation, nor any necessity for compromise or any of the other things I have been conditioned to dish out.
That doesn’t mean that there aren’t rules. Instead, service and aftercare. Devotion and care. Good intentions and healing and support. Aren’t these the things I’ve been seeking? Yes.

He keeps being confused at the amount of dominance I allow him, however. And does things like ask if I’m sure I’m as much of a Domme-in-training as I claim to be to which I respond that I’m definitely a switch, but that the crux of it comes down to who says what gets to happen where. I’ve just posed to him, in fact: My sub serves by delivering what I ask for does he not? Who’s to say it can’t be that I ask for domination, on occasion, in the same way I might ask for adoration, worship, or massage? A blow job can be because all I want is to suck the shit out of a beautiful cock or maybe I want to reward you for excellent service? It’s all about the flavor and intent.

I was told on a Fet date once that the biggest giveaway to my being a Domme was that I won’t take cum in my mouth.

I think these sorts of statements are simultaneously fascinating and arbitrary.

He also is older than I. This is manifesting in very particular ways such as being far more burdened, both in life and spirit. It means far more experienced and educated, in play and profession. It also means far more defined in himself and his tendencies which include fretting, stubbornness, and fierce protective instinct. This is the spark to ignite the fuel that courses through his veins of nurturing and care. Which make our time together like a voracious fire of warmth, worship, and wonder. Oh, how I wonder about this inexplicable excitement, giddyness even, at the attention. I have never been such a coquette and yet it flows naturally; I am thrilled to reward and reciprocate because the care came like the slam of warmth upon your frigid cheeks upon walking within the cozy proximity to the campfire. I am enveloped. 

I feel him watch me; he peruses my body with his fingers and he peruses my psyche with his assumptions. Many of which are correct. And that was what was shocking. You paid that much attention to me? To see beyond the layer of the obvious I share with the rest of the world into the far more lush, jagged, seductive place of my self?

Do you know what I anticipate? I would not be surprised if he became the first to make me cum all on his own. Such a feat that would be; I say that without an inkling of the facetious. 

And yet, at this very moment, I am gchatting (of all things) with PM, Problème Maestro, who is making some very logical arguments to the way that this hostile, hurtful, and primarily silent time has unfolded. The thing is though that now I am armed with the wider horizon to be able to say (perhaps I even will, later!); 

“What I would like from you, PM, man to whom I gave an important, significant moment often signified by colloquialisms known as VCard: is the freedom to get what I need. Because you cannot, or maybe just do not, give me what I want or desire. And yet I do still desire you. And I am tired of pushing. So you may give what you wish to give. And if that’s enough, then that will be enough. But in the event that it is not, I will be able to go elsewhere. It means that I no longer initiate. You will come to me, if you want to be with me. The others do. You do not need to know about them, although I have to tell you my sub could show you a thing or two. Maybe even about massage; I think if you felt what he can do if you allow yourself to be vulnerable through pain breathing the whole way and trusting that the person has your back and there actually is a reason to be pushed so hard, so intensely, so intently. And maybe you still won’t care. 
I want you to be open to open. Because probably there are other women you’d like to be with and you can know I’m trying on the idea of Pad Thai v Chilli. If I make the best fucking Pad Thai that you love and one day you wake up and want Chilli … somewhere else might have the best chilli. And that can be okay. Because lord oh lord do I prefer his Crepes sometimes. Mmm. So do what you need to do, and I’ll do what I need to do, and if what we need to do is each other then wonderful!”

I don’t think PM is ready for that yet, which means I’m sure as hell not ready to let him back in. He will earn it with opening and understanding, but I imagine that he does not want them. And that is his choice. That will be when I change my mind. 

And yet, I am testing him to see if it is happening. Or at least on its way? Because the silence has been stark. And I have built up a lot of anger. Against all the times of discontent, heartache, betrayal, and indifference. Indifference will not do. Passiveness will not do. I am inquiring in a cyberfrantic manner of why he hasn’t asked me anything if he was wondering anything or if he just is so over it and ambivalent that he doesn’t wonder anymore. 

RynPx: ‘ are you sad or are you over it? are we fighting right now? do you feel resented? I can’t tell if you care or not or are projecting this resentment on me or would be interested in knowing if it’s true or not or why you haven’t just asked me what you wanted to know or if you just don’t care enough to want to know anything? ‘

Manic, but articulate even so. If you are paying attention. 
Pay attention to me. 
I will answer and then some. 
This goes for anyone. 
I am easily flattered,
accessibly charming and charm-able,
and believe in positive reinforcement and reward
and gifts if I believe they will be appreciated
because I am worth something
I forgot the currency for a little while and how it fits within the wider market
but I’m the catch of the year
there’s just one small spark that will either
make you fun or make you run
and that is 
I know it. 
Je suis délicieuse et dangereuse. 

 

The Cast of Disposables

Today I would like to write a post that’s been on my mind for a while, and that is the Notch List, or as I mostly like to look at it, The Cast of Disposables.

1. PM. We hear plenty about him, so I’ll move on.

2. Let’s call him Arjun. Ethnic, no last name, one night stand, arrived at my house drunk as a skunk, grunted and pumped, we slept, we woke, we never spoke again.

3. Let’s call him SB, or Soul Brother. Effeminate but certain in himself, equally heartbroken, fluently musical, a future affair of the creative will be had, hopefully many times over. The sex was inevitable and fine for what it was. He is not what I seek, physically or emotionally. The latter is because he is just like me.

4. Let’s call this one Mr Dopey Hopey. This one is complicated bc, like SB, I already adore him as a new friend even though I found him in OkC conquest fashion. He is goofy, husky, grinny, good at what he does, friendly, and I think I might want to consider dating him when I’m not the lunatic I currently am. Afterwards, he was the one who said, ‘I mean, that was great but maybe it happened too soon? I’d sort of like to look at a relationship in the future or maybe consider it but I think we should refrain for now.’ Yup. Affirmative.

5. This next one is complicated. Let’s call him Jack Black Attack. (Not to be confused with Jack Black Doppelwhack who is my boss and I have a giant crush on. And have not slept with yet.) — he was our guest for pre Sandra Frankenstorm and with a voice like Zeus who sings like Jack Black Tenacious D style and he smokes every 20 min from his to go ‘cig’. A hardcore party boy even though he’s the oldest of the lot as of yet (28) … I thought he’d at least be around for a bit longer. Even if we didn’t have sex. Which was a little too sweaty and mechanical for me. Sweaty is good, but not if you are so ensconced in your rhythm that you let it drip from your temples onto my cheekbones without notice or comment. But he has recently bound a biddy, so I wish him the best even as it is sad to no longer have a local smoke and snuggle buddy.

I’m only halfway through and I’m so depressed. Honestly, this first half was the winners, then we had a lapse of ‘whatever, what’s a few more fucks’ and then some ones that I really did put hope into and then was crushed by reality.

6. Lipshitz will be his name. We had some awkward bar conversation and then went and mediocrely boned at his apt nearby and then I left.

7. Bellboy I should call again. A nice Jewish boy with a hearty jaw and general set of teeth (is it overbite? Underbite? Unknown. Uncared.) — not a bad lay, not a bad conversationalist. The problem has been my succumbing to his requests every time to smoke up and then all parties being stupidly high even though I might have preferred sobriety had I had a spine or brain at the time. Then he came over on a day that my mind was ashambles and I had to kick him out with little warning and that was that. Also he has the same name as my brother which makes my skin tingle, not in a good way.

8. Oh God, and then we get into awkward nose crinkling world. Beezer. Which I have thusly called him since we were 15. Obligatory poor life drunk choice boning. We laughed about it beforehand, told no one, and have not spoken one word about it after. And that’s just fine with me.

9. Then we have Ma, whose given name is the same as my grandmother’s nickname, so color me freakishly Freudian. Tall, foreign, scientifically oriented, employed, and owner to the ugliest dog I’ve ever seen (a true blue greyhound, so it doesn’t take much). The problem is his lack of social life (like, beyond what I would have offered there is NOTHING but the dog) and his lack of comprehending that when I said let’s NOT DATE that meant we don’t see each other every other day. I have been giving him the silent treatment wrapped in flirty flakiness whenever he crankily tries to insert himself back into my life and pants.

10. The next in the recent streak of Mistake Brigade, Buddha is the hottest of the messes. Enamored with me from minute 8 or so of our first work shift together, the small stocky man mustered up the courage to ask the statuesque single lady for a drink which she cheerily obliged to. First mistake, bc apparently that suggested more interest in him romantically than I had thought saying ‘Yeah, okay, let’s drink alcohol at the same time while talking’ implies. Possessive, crippling insecure, blindly chauvinistic, marijuana and medication dependent, and annoying, I realized after he became my resident leach that I can’t sustain the energy for my own Self Improvement Protocol, much less his much more daunting situation. The question then arises whether to grace him with a little time and friendship or to let it unravel as it will and as I fear he might.

11. And that brings us to The Situation, Mr Jersey film editor who literally couldn’t fathom that a woman might desire an orgasm as well. Good riddance.

You can understand my dismay and discouragement at this conquest list. So I’ve been rather liberal with my bodily distribution, but I guess I would have thought my discretion was a little less disastrous than this. What to do? Is it better to be horny and and alone than potentially overwhelmingly disappointed/disgusted/depressed? Probably. Solo pining just reminds me of what I let go though. And while PM still entertains interest in all things cyber sexy, he’s plenty busy boning whatever he can find in the Midwest and entertaining a creative sleep schedule. Extraction, Ray.

Is what I’m asking for too complicated? Too picky? Too needy? Too risky? FetLife titilates my inner chaste virgin but also rings out warning self protection bells, which I think are also important to hear. So far, mere emails. Maybe NYC’s BDSM community will prove more satisfactory. I’m hoping so. The combination of communication and kink suggests to me a world of sex positivity. Please let me be right.