Tag Archive: marriage


Xena the Damsel’s Ideal Knight

My ideal relationship is with a hung Alpha Male Dom to whom I submit and with whom I switch. He enjoys, in turn, watching me be with other men and playing with other everyones with me. We will sex other people with each other and not, but we will love each other the most even as of course we come to care about other people. Somehow he will communicate to me that he so profoundly cares about me in a way that relieves me from being the Jealous I already anticipate in my heart will be the potential downfall of my seeking an open relationship. Of course he will want to marry me and be vanilla with me and we will be friends with our play partners long after (it seems as if) we’ve stopped playing (or have we?). Careers, communities, kids. Sex everywhere in between and more. Fuck couples counseling – I know how to communicate because I’m a kinkster. And so is my boo.

Engagement Rings and Feminist Things

If I am to be bound by the hand
To a lad to share my life
He’ll wear a ring to tell the land
That I have yet to be his wife.

There is one way I’d let this slip
And be the sole wearer of ring with rock.
Surely this is still a feminist quip —
He’d be wearing my ring around his cock.

…even though we haven’t even met yet. My response?:

“Oh my lord from what planet did you beam down. These are all of the things that I only ever preach should happen before this sort of thing. The formerly 16-year-old high school sexual health educator in me leaps for joyI was monogamous with my first partner (who was clean) for two, and have yet to be tested since my recent rampant, latex-featuring, belt-notching. In fact, testing is on my immediate list upon returning to the city, along with pick up Nuvaring and anxiety meds of poison from Duane Reade. I will absolutely let you know what I learn when I learn.

Consent is good. You can also know I try to be pretty communicative. Which is one of the reasons I like this site and I really like you. 🙂

And relationships come in all sorts of flavors and I’m absolutely on board with whatever this is. Friendship? Cool. Maybe there will come a time where some would tack on a “with benefits”? Lovely. I also am currently not interested in labeling anything, mainly because I’m not interested in thinking too hard (aka fretting, analyzing, obsessing, hypochondriaching, etc) about what I’m doing. (Also, you’re married. I’m going to keep pointing this out, although I may have figured out why that is. Probably it’s a version of my re double checking YOUR consent in … continuing to engage with me and whatever this is. As in subtext: “you-understand-that I’m-not-your-wife-and-this-is-flirting-that-we’re-doing-here-you’re-absolutely-sure-that-this-is-how-you-want-to-be-interacting-with-me?” Note: There is a story here. It is too long to insert here. Absolutely appropriate for a nice long cuddle session with tea and banana bread. // Also, it’s also why I keep pointing out that I’m bugging out about this open marriage thing. But I’m really groovy. I promise. Just sometimes also neurotic. Welcome to the deluge.)
Anyway.
Checking in with myself? Sure. Keeping a finger on the pulse of what I want and why I want it? Absolutely. Labeling things with names that I have prior association, connotation, and judgement in? No thanks. I am attempting to take a leave of absence from my position as my own harshest critic and just like myself and feel good about what I have and what I have to offer. Revolutionary, right? Haha. It’s definitely a work in progress. So thanks for being a part of my journey! 🙂 “

Help A Screenwriter Out?

My Dear (As Far As I Know) Monogamous Male Friends,

[this merely means an interest in monogamy as a thing that some people, sometimes yourself?, practice.]

I am writing a new story. This is my very first screenplay. I need to do some research, like I’ve done before except that I’m… not interested in finding strangers on teh interwebz. So, instead, I’m going to ask you, whose opinion(s) I enjoy and respect, to tap into your sense of empathy and maybe your character backstory creativity (#theatrboiz?).

In this story there is a character I believe to be in his mid to late 30s, with a wife and two young children, both boys, ages 7 and 4. He has a one night stand with someone else.

This is not the central event of the movie, except that it is What Happens in order for Everything Else To Happen. But why it happened which will change entirely how I write him. And therefore the story. So I need to figure out some things about him so I know how he deals with this situation (that is the rest of the story that I’m not going to tell you).

What I would like to hear from you is why, or how you could imagine it coming to be that, a man who has been married for about a decade, with two young children, would cheat on his wife? What would he be seeking to fulfill? I have my own ideas, but I want to make sure they are not cliché or contrived, etc.

What is a scenario in which that could happen? (if you say, “he was a dumb shit and had too much to drink and made a poor life choice.” — that’s awesome. because that could be what happened, and so maybe I’ll put that in. But then, if that is what you think — I’d also really like to know: How does he try to fix it? What are is first 2 tactics that he expects to work? Tell her v. don’t tell her?

[this is not a personal ‘how would YOU justify yourself cheating on a significant other?’ // ‘Now I will judge you and insinuate that this is what you really desire!” // I couldn’t give less of a shit about you. Hence why it’s not about you. I just am looking for ways that you would justify in character work for a scene of a man in such a situation.]

This response can come in the form of a list, a scene, an example, a fanfic, a link, a poem, I don’t care. I’d just really like to hear from you, if you feel so inclined.

Thank you for helping find something closer to truth in this character.

Love and smooches,
Ray